Posted on 2016.04.09 at 19:43
My Mood: blah
Currently Listening to: "LA Devotee" by Panic! At the Disco
Well all....Here I am again. I was going to update the next chapter of Give Your Heart a Break but I figured I should do a quick post of my life so you all can read and understand why it's still been awhile since any updates. And I figure it's best to type here than blab about it in the Author's Notes. So here I am :)
Well I suppose I'll try and keep this short... I can ramble later, but I don't really feel like going into too much detail right now (weird right? lol). So long story short, I guess, my boyfriend...well, ex now, finally moved out. Or at least is in the process of moving out.
I was visiting my family back home a few weeks ago and when I came back, he had moved a majority of his stuff out and into his mom's house. I had texted asking if he was coming back since he took his clothes (and that was the plan, really, for him to stay here at least for another month while he got ready for school to start). He said he hadn't decided yet and just didn't say a whole lot. So I guess I just took that as the beginning of the end so I just started packing things up and separating the rest of our stuff. It was extremely hard for me to do because going back through everything it made me remember why I loved (and still do) him. I mean I know it's for the best, but he seriously was such a wonderful guy and I will miss the hell out of him. So it was just extremely extremely hard going through everything, but I tried to make piles so he could just come and pick it up whenever.
He seemed surprised that I was trying to get everything out so fast. But I told him anytime I see these things it's just hard for me....so since the process had already started, I'd like for it to just hurry up and be over with so we can start healing. He seemed a little surprised, but said he understood because it was hard for him too.
...I guess I'm going into more detail anyway lol So while I'm at it... A little later he had admitted to me that he wasn't actually planning on moving out at that time. Like he really was just in the process of moving things over and did plan to come back and stay with me awhile longer. But after I had asked if he was coming back, he felt that it was awkward and didn't feel that he could. So knowing that hurts too...like, knowing that we still could have had fun together and done the things we wanted to do. We were watching through all of Futurama and we only had like ten episodes left :/ So just...knowing that I guess is painful...that I kinda booted him out prematurely lol I mean I know that's silly to say because if you know you're broken up why stay together? But...I dunno. I guess I just wanted it to last as long as it could and was scared of pulling that final trigger to end everything...
So... He is out for the most part. He still has a few things here and there, but most of it is gone. When I'm alone I feel okay and I feel good about everything because I know it was the right decision. But if I stop to think about it, it really hurts... Like, just the finality of it all. Knowing I'll never kiss him again, or the things we wanted to play or watch together won't ever get played/watched. I dunno. That just....kills me. I really do love him and probably always will. But like I said...I know this is for the best.
So I've just been busy the past few weeks with packing things up and trying to clean, while also going out with friends and just trying to keep myself distracted. So that's why I haven't had the time to update lately. But like I've said I have a few chapters written so I really just need to post them so I don't lose my readers ^^; I don't know when I'll actually be able to write again...I'm going to be busy the next couple of weeks/months so I probably won't be able to anytime soon... But I really hope to get back into it cuz I DO miss it... AND I LOVE DOUG! And we all need to see what happens with him and Freyyyyyy!
Fun fact though, I've been reading back over this story and it's just...fun to read lol So hopefully it's the same for you guys too :) You can always read back over it too while you wait for an update! Like I said I can do some scenes from Doug's point of view so you can read back and see if there's a specific part you'd like to see from his side. Just a suggestion.
Anyway... Enough crying for now :') Just wanted to keep you all updated and say thank you so much for your support and love! You guys are the best and thank you for being so understanding *heart* Love you all!
Now Listening To: "LA Devotee" by Panic! At the Disco (yay repeat lolol)
Posted on 2016.02.27 at 17:12
My Mood: depressed
Currently Listening to: "Come Along With Me" by Vicci Martinez
I am so so sorry I've been away and quiet for so long.... But, as the title says, I shall explain.
Gosh I don't even know what to say really. So I'll just start typing and let the nonsense just flow lol
I guess I've just been in a very weird place the past few months. As you all know things with my boyfriend have been stressing me out a lot and I've been depressed. And when you're depressed the things that brought you joy don't really...do that anymore. So I haven't written or drawn or anything in SOOOO long. I know I should update my stories with what I have, but even that feels/felt like a chore. So I would just sort of slug around and go day by day without doing anything and being...pretty much a waste of life lol There's a phone app game I play (Summoner's War) and I have some friends there that would help distract me from life. They're all so wonderful and I guess...well I suppose it is a bad thing in a sense because I just absorbed myself into the game and tried not to pay attention to what was around me. Buuut then again, it did bring me happiness so that was good I guess.
I'm rambling lol What am I even saying?
Well anyway things with the bf were on and off. Tried counseling but that didn't go so well... Mostly because I told him one thing, that I was going there for me, then I dragged him into it and he just wasn't happy. He's also very stubborn and set in his ways, so even if the counselor suggested something, if it didn't go along with what he thought was best, he would ignore her. So it just didn't go well. When I went back with a solo session, she basically told me it seemed he wouldn't change his mind and was stuck in his ways. I knew that, but was afraid to accept it I guess.
Time went on... I visited my family back home for Christmas, which was nice. I didn't talk to my bf much... He usually never writes me much when I'm out there, which always made me sad. I used to talk to him every single day when I'd be gone and we'd text. But there were times when I wouldn't hear from him for days. So I took the time to talk to a few friends and they all basically said it probably isn't a good situation and I need to think about leaving. So I did. Think about it I mean.
And the more I thought about it, the more sure I felt of myself that it was the right decision to leave. I deserved so much better and I really was just doing myself a disservice by staying around. So I came back to GA with my head held high and resolve strong to make that final decision.......but goddammit if he wasn't the sweetest he had ever been in awhile :( Just being super sweet and cuddly and damn, all of that resolve just went right out the window. I felt horrible because I knew what I had to do but now that he was changed a bit, I thought maybe he had a change of heart. So I really struggled about what to do.
After talking to a few more friends I decided to at least talk to him about it and get his input on things. So after lamenting over what to say and how the conversation would go for days on end....I finally got the courage up to talk to him. I asked him how he felt about us and where he saw us in the future. He asked if I wanted him to be honest and I said yes, and he said he doesn't see it lasting and has a 0% chance of success.
Oddly enough I felt SO relieved when I heard that, because that was how I felt too. So long story short, we agreed that we both loved each other dearly but there were just some things that would never let us work out. And unfortunately we had to be realistic about those things and we can't just ignore them. It's so SO hard...because I do honestly love him and would LOVE to spend my life with him. But these few things are just... I don't know how to describe it, but they are things that I honestly can't live with. Not if I want to be happy and not stressed all the time, anyway. And he was on the same page too, so that was a relief.
So I am going to start looking for jobs back home and he applied to school to a place about 2 hours away. I originally told him not to because I'd never get to see him, but now he's able to since that won't matter lol So he is going to be moving out this summer to go back to school. We decided we'd still be "together" for the time being until either that happens or I find a job back home. So we only have a few months left.
It's odd... And surreal. Like I guess since we're still together the truth hasn't really hit me yet. Then we'll talk about splitting something (like you take this, I'll take that) and it just...hurts. I really don't want him to go, and even the thought of it now makes me cry. I really truly do love him and this is so incredibly painful. But like I said, I know it will be better for us both in the long run. Besides, if it's meant to work out, then it will. Who knows? Maybe we both just need time away from each other a bit to realize what we had and work towards getting that again. Neither of us will hold onto that, of course, but things have a funny way of working out. If it's meant to happen, then it will.
Mostly I just need time to fix myself. I've become so broken this whole time and have lost what it means to be ME. So I'm also looking forward to this time to just live on my own again like I did in college...have time for ME and do what I wanna do...not have to plan around someone else. I plan to get back into writing and drawing...working out and all that other fun stuff. So thinking about that, I'm looking forward to it. I mostly just have to not think about the pain. It's just...odd. It feels like my time with him has been a dream and now it's time for me to wake up. I don't really want to wake up...It really was a nice dream, even though it wasn't perfect. But... Well... It has to happen I guess.
So yes... That is why I haven't been writing recently. I really haven't had the time to do anything I like, since I'm still just...stressed and depressed about everything. I got a PS4 for Christmas and it literally has not left its box lol My family keeps asking if I've played it and I keep saying no lol I know they're worried and can sense something is wrong, but I don't want to tell them yet. They never really liked him (nor gave him a chance) so I know once I tell them they'll be like I TOLD YOU SO and HE WAS SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON BECAUSE BLAH BLAH. And I just honestly don't need to hear that. I still love him so hearing those things honestly just won't help. So I'm going to wait until he's out of here for good before I tell them. I know that will be a hard time for me and I really just plan on shutting myself off from the world while I mourn. I'll have friends to distract me of course, but my family is just most definitely what I DON'T need. So...yeah.
Well I suppose that covers it. I partially feel like that story should have been longer haha. But that's that.
Sorry again so much for being such a horrible authoress with updating and everything. I really will honestly try and be better for all of you. You guys are the best and I'm sorry that my real life drama has ruined your entertainment of my stories. I'll work on it as soon as I can :)
I love you all so much and thank you for being patient with me. You guys are the best <333
Posted on 2015.09.02 at 20:11
My Mood: melancholy
Currently Listening to: Whatever my neighbor upstairs is rocking out to
Well not much has changed recently but I thought I would at least update since...it's been awhile? I dunno haha.
Not much new on the boyfriend front. We had a bad weekend two weekends ago and he said that he agrees it probably isn't going to work out. But yet we're still together lol It's just hard because we both still love each other very much but...there's "baggage" he has that I have a hard time dealing with, and I dunno if I can ever learn how to. I made an appointment to talk to a counselor about everything... I'm going to go by myself to just clear some things with me, then if she wants to bring my bf in and talk to him then maybe it'll turn into couple's counseling. That's sort of my last resort I think. I just want to talk to an unbiased 3rd party and get their input. Then if she talks to both of us and decides it probably WON'T work out, then...that's it I guess. I'll have to let it go. It's just very hard because we've been together for 4 years so that's a lot of memories you know? And to let that all go is just...really painful. I don't like thinking about it, and the fact it's so close to being a reality just scares me. I really don't know what to do. I mean I know it probably would be better to leave but... Well like I said, we have a lot of memories and I truly do love him. It's just so complicated... Ugh.
So I've still been depressed :/ It sucks because I really want to write but when I sit down and do it it's like I have no motivation. So I haven't been able to really write recently, which sucks. Then work has been stressful and my family is stressing me out...
I'm not sure if any of you are familiar with the Myer Briggs personality types (MBTI), but I'm an ISFJ (for any of you who know what that means lol). We're basically like counselors, always there to lend a helping hand and ear and be there to support you when you need us. Well I think lately I've been the support beam for SO many people, it's just starting to wear me down. I feel bad because I really do want to be there for everyone, but I think it's just gotten to the point that I'm so worn down I don't have anything left. It's hard enough being my own support, but then trying to carry everyone else along too has just really gotten to me I think. I know people hate when you say that life sucks or that it's so hard or whatever and it could be worse...and I know it can be worse and I know I'm much more privileged than many other people. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm still hurting inside. It hurts because this is MY life and things are just...not good right now. Ughhh I SO just want to be done with everything... I'm so tired of dealing with all of this and just want it to be over. But...unfortunately that's not an option. If it was, trust me I would've given up a long time ago. It's almost frustrating that I can't just SNAP and be done. But hey, life isn't easy right? We all gotta deal with hardships. But goddammit if I just...don't want to. I'm just so...tired...
I just want to cry.
Y'know I'm not really sure why I bothered updating this, haha. I suppose none of the information is really knew. I guess i just figured I should update it since I was going to be updating Doug again soon. It's against my 'will' of sorts, since I wanted to finish writing another chapter but...I'm going to be out of town for a bit and figured you guys have waited long enough for an update. And for that, I'm sorry. I really need to be better about that.
Well anyway... Thanks to those of you who messaged me last time with sweet and encouraging words. I didn't realize I could reply so I feel like a douche for not writing back to you guys lol So I will do that here shortly. But I really do appreciate you guys taking the time to write to me. It definitely made me feel better ^^ You guys are the best! Thank you so much <3
I guess that's it for now... I love you all so much. Thank you for being there for me. And for being the support of the support <3
Now Listening To: Still nothing, really...
Posted on 2015.07.11 at 09:49
My Mood: drained
Currently Listening to: Random noises
Phew.... Looking back I see I never really used this thing. I don't think people really even use LiveJournal anymore, do they? Who knows. It is interesting to look back and read though. I always used to keep a journal (hand-written) but I was always super detailed and it took forever to write...so I just kinda fell out of it because I didn't have time. Maybe an online one would be better since I can type a hell of a lot faster than I can write. Who knows.
Anyway, I decided to start this up again because I have been telling my readers what is going on with me and my life in my author's notes, and I feel like that's not really the place to do it. Then I start getting comments about what I said, which I really appreciate, but then I feel like I'm taking away from my story....which I shouldn't do. So I decided to dredge this thing back up again so if anyone cares to read what is going on with me, they can read it here and I don't have to subject everyone to my misery. Sounds good, right? ^^;
I haven't updated in awhile....I haven't written in awhile either. I've just been so depressed and out of it lately, I haven't really done anything that I enjoy. No video games or writing or anything. I just....*shrug* I really hate the feeling.
I talked to my boyfriend last weekend about everything.... I think there's about a 95% chance that we're going to break up, which has been the main cause of my distress. I am still in a state of indecision though, because I love him terribly and just thinking of life without him is so incredibly painful... But I really can't live in this situation. I've thought about it and I think I MIGHT be able to...but things would have to change. Another problem is I feel like his love for me has dwindled. When we first started dating he said how lucky he was to have someone like me and that I was the best thing that happened to him....but nowadays I just feel like a friends with benefits sort of thing :/ So I mean if we could go back to how that was, like that I would be able to FEEL his love...that would help things out. He's just a very apathetic individual and I just don't really know how he feels with everything. So even though we've had our talk, he went back to acting like nothing is wrong...so that makes it hard to leave when things are comfortable. ...I dunno. It's just very stressful and I still don't know what to do. I mean I know it's probably better to leave. But we've been together for 4 years and we have a bunch of things we have together (since we planned on getting married), so having to give all that up is just.... I just hate to think about it. I'm just lost.
I've also mentioned my sick doggie. Well the past couple of days she wasn't doing very good, so my parents brought her in to the doctor. He said she seemed okay but after taking a blood sample, things were definitely NOT okay. She had a super massive infection and her blood count was super low. So he had to do surgery; that was yesterday. I was talking to my mom on my way home from work and she had to hang up since the vet was calling in. So I waited and waited.... and never got a call back. It had been like 30 minutes and of course my mind started running rampant. If the vet is talking to them for 30 minutes then clearly it isn't good news...so he's probably telling them about how the surgery went bad and she never came out of anethesia... And my parents are probably sobbing and breaking down and trying to figure out how to break the news to ME, and that's why it's taking so long.
Well I live out of state and I wanted to be home if they did have to put her down. So I rush home and start looking for plane tickets. Usually they have a 5:30 flight (it was 4:00) but it said I wouldn't be getting in until tomorrow. So then I looked for tomorrow (well today) flights and it said I STILL wouldn't be getting in until like 2 in the afternoon. Not to mention tickets were over $900 one way. So realistically it really wasn't going to work. And that really just broke me down because I wanted so badly to be with my family and be with my dead doggie before we had to bury her. But even if I did get on the earliest flight out there, they certainly couldn't have her body around for that long just waiting for me. So that thought really just killed me and I was getting hysterical.
Then lo and behold I finally get a call from my mom... The reason for the delay was some phone problems on their end and miscommunications and whatnot, but long story short the operation went great. Well...successfully anyway. Apparently my doggie had a bunch of fluid in her...somewhere? But it was where the infection was so it was basically a poison just sitting in there. He emptied it out and said it weighed 6 pounds!!! So like 6 pounds of poison was in her and that's why she was always so tired and out of it. Then long story short, something was wrong with her ...spleen? It was wrapped around her stomach or something and cutting off blood circulation which is why her blood count was so low. So he removed that too (also weighing something near 6 pounds...poor doggie!). So he sewed her back up and said she was doing fine. And said that once she fully heals in 2 weeks we'll probably see a brand new dog out of her. I think she's 12 or 13 so she's still old, but after hearing all the stuff wrong with her, it really seems like she'll bounce back. I hope so!
So they get to bring her home today I think. I still feel bad that I can't be there to help, but they said everything should be okay. It took me a really long time to calm down from my hysteria but I guess I'm doing better with that. So I'm waiting for my parents to call when they get her to see how she's doing. I really hope she'll be okay, but they are making it seem like she will be. So that's good.
Other than that... I dunno. I still just feel like I'm in a very weird mood. Like my whole world is just so close to crashing down on me and destroying my whole life. I suppose that's true, what with my dog close to dying and me breaking up with my boyfriend. I'm just so lost in life, I have no idea what I want to do or what I'm even going to do. I just really hate this feeling... It's so draining and I just feel sick. But it's not going to get better any time soon. I just want it to be gone...I want to be happy. But that's not really going to happen. Not soon anyway. I just...*sigh* I dunno. I wish I didn't feel this way. I hate it.
Anyway, sorry for the long ramble. But like I said, I'll use this to keep everyone updated if they so choose. I'll stop tainting my story with this shit. Cuz it's supposed to be happy and that's what you all are there for, not my stupid problems. So the stupid problems come here instead :)
I guess that's it for now. I'll try and force myself out of my rut to see if I can do some writing. I really need to catch up again. We'll see.... Anyway thanks for the support, anyone who may be reading this. I appreciate it :)
Now Listening To: Same random noises... This would probably be more interesting if I had a play list actually going... Oh well.
Posted on 2010.12.26 at 23:09
My Mood: Melancholy
Currently Listening to: "Fall" by Eyeshine
Wow...I just noticed I've only had two postings since last Christmas. Really? Wow, I'm worse than I thought! Sorry, everyone!
Yeah, I figured as much.
Well...mostly haven't really felt like updating. I've really been in a...funk the past couple of months. And while I'm not completely over it, I've at least come to accept the bad feelings and tell myself that... Well, no matter how much life may suck, I suppose it could be worse and it's not worth giving up. Or something. >_> Yeah. Moving on.
So, whilst holing myself up in my boondocks-y abode I've just been doing hermit things such as...not being social, and writing a bit. Good news being that I've written quite a bit for my Ichigo story. I checked my last entry and saw I had up to chapter 11 written... Well now I'm up to 24! So that's quite the jump. Shuuhei still hasn't gotten anymore done (I think he's up to chapter...22 or so). Still, it's enough to make me feel better and more secure, because I hate having no stories to post because I worry it'll make me more stressed. Never mind that I don't update much anyway, but...well whatever.
Um...yeah, mostly been working on my Ichigo fic. I just finished reading a Fire Emblem one-shot (well...story, since it was long haha) from Ally, and it's totally spurred me back onto Fire Emblem. Huzzah! So I buckled down and tried to do some planning for my Roy story. I've made a VERY basic outline...as in like, one-sentence ...sentences about what I want to go down in each chapter. And that goes up to 31! But remember, that is only tentative...it could be longer or shorter depending on how the chapters themselves go. So we'll see ^^; I think the problem with Roy is that...his story has a HUGE potential for actually getting finished. And that's the first chapter story that I would've ever even come CLOSE to completing. Sure I have my one-shots, but I have the ends for those planned since they're short. I think I'm just scared of actually ending a FIC because...it's come so far, y'know? I hate to see it end :(
BUT. That's still a long ways away. So if you guys *cough*one*cough* care to see anything specific in Roy's story...let me know. I dunno if I can fit it in, but as always, ideas are welcomed :)
Well...guess that's about it. Just wanted to give a quick update I suppose. Hope everyone is well and that you all had a great holiday!
Merry (belated) Christmas and Happy New Years!
Now Listening To: ...well actually the Eyeshine song from before was in my head, so it's still silence now, technically.
Posted on 2010.08.28 at 14:06
My Mood: Calm
Currently Listening to: Nothingggg....just some fishtanks!
So here I am...updating. Since it's been awhile. I never was really good at keeping a diary DX
But anyway! I felt like things have been coming along pretty well so I thought I would let you all know what's up. ('All' probably being the...like, three of you that actually read this, if that. ALAS!) *ahem* MOVING ON. So. Writing has been going smoothly I would like to say. I FINALLY got over my writer's block for my Shuuhei story so I've been blitzing! I'm up to chapter 20! XD HUZZAH! The problem now is...that I have no idea where to go from here :( I only had up to the Fake Karakura planned...so now I don't know what to do. I think mostly because I don't know where the manga is going to go (I actually gave in and started reading it...at least the recent chapters XD) so I don't want to be like, KANA KILLED AIZEN only to see that...Aizen disappears to try again or something X_X Oy. But...hopefully it'll be awhile before I post chapter 20 and maybe the manga will have moved on quite a bit that I'll get more ideas ^^; If any of you have something to suggest, let me know!
As far as Ichigo's...I'm up to chapter 11 I think. I originally tried to keep them the same (as in, write a chapter for Shuuhei then write one for Ichigo) but then I went on my Shuuhei blitz and never looked back. I'm not too worried though because I have most of Ichigo's planned, and I like the story a lot that it shouldn't be hard to find motivation for. Not to mention I still have the whole Bleach story line to work with...so like I said, it shouldn't be hard ^^
Thennn the Kaien drabbles. I had a writer's block there as well but I finally got over it (albeit at the expense of a probably horrible few prompts, but oh well DX). I believe I'm up to 85 for those. I could've kept going, but I figured I should ask my readers what kind of prompts they'd like to see more of...just so they don't get to the end and be like, I WANTED MORE SEXY KAIEN, WTF. So...again, any suggestions would be welcome XD
FINALLY there is Roy. I have no idea where to go with his story either, if only because I've reached the limit to where I had planned. Well...more or less. I have his next chapter planned and some general ideas after that...but I have NO IDEA where to go. I really don't want to put him on a hiatus or even end him...but I fear I must. It seems like I could do so much more with him, that's why it's sad DX AGAIN AGAIN, I would love suggestions x3 I aim to please you guys after all! *crickets chirp* Whoever may be out there :(
THEN there are one-shots. I obviously finished Ally's birthday fic, but I still feel like it sucks...so once I get the motivation I'll write some more scenes for Ike. And I'll also work on a Ranulf spin-off because he is just too cute to forget about XD I also plan on doing another Guy (from Tales of the Abyss) one-shot (though more of a mini-fic these days DX) at some point in time. I'd like to finish a few other things first before I embark on that adventure though. I'm still behind on Ally's birthday because I promised her a Joshua lemon too DX I AM SORRY, ALLLYYYY! I'll try to make it super special awesome to make up for it. ^^ So that's all that I have planned for now. Here it is in list form:
...And that is PROBABLY in the order that I'll work on them as well. But there's no telling where motivation might strike me from!
OKAY SO. I'm sure I'll copy and paste most of these into their respective stories but for now they will go here. Since Luna is down after all DX LAAAAAAAAAAAAAME. Oh well. Gives me an excuse to do nothing but update I suppose ^^;
As far as my life goes (if anyone is concerned!) there is actually nothing new. Nothing of importance anyway. Uhh...one of my friends is getting married today. I'm not that excited to go for some reason D: I think I'm just SUCH an introvert that I would much rather spend my time writing or playing videogames than going to special shindigs. But...I have an excuse to get pretty, which I always like to do, so I suppose not all it lost XD
Alrighty! So I suppose this is getting rather long. I shall end here. So if anyone has suggestions for any of my stories, feel free to drop a line! I'd be more than happy to take it into consideration ^^ Also, if any of you want to see a teaser (like I sometimes do...just post a few paragraphs from the next chapter) then let me know! It'll maybe hold you guys for a bit until Luna comes back. Just let me know~! Ta ta for now!
Now Listening To: Dad watering the grass!...I think.
EDIT: So I read my last entry, and I had said that I had up to chapter 18 of Shuuhei written. I'm pretty sure this was a lie, seeing as I had recently finished chapter 18 like two weeks ago. So I'm really not sure what I meant, because at that point in time I think I MAYBE had up to 16 written. Or perhaps I meant I have up to 18 planned? I really have no idea. So I just wanted to clear it up so you guys aren't like, "SHE ONLY WROTE TWO CHAPTERS SINCE THE LAST UPDATE?! THAT'S NOT A BLITZ!" But it was more like 6 chapters...cuz I swear I've written more than just two. So I have no idea what I was referring to...but regardless, up to 19 is written and I'm currently working on 20. So I just wanted to clear that up! XD
Posted on 2010.06.05 at 03:13
My Mood: Tired
Currently Listening to: "Meant To Live" by Switchfoot
Oh my goodness. I can't believe I haven't updated in so long! DX I'm so sorry, everyone! Here I go and tell everyone to come here but then I don't even keep up with it. I'M HORRIBLE! *dies*
Anywayyy. Um. Well I think I just haven't been in the mood lately to be honest. I went through a funk a few weeks ago and it lasted...about two months. I was just really depressed and didn't want to do much :/ Thus...I didn't post, cuz I didn't feel like it ^^;
I'm doing better now and am in the process of getting a job (hopefully!). I'm a little worried that my updates will go slow after that, so I try to write as much as I can when I can. The good news is that I've gotten a lot written. Well...I guess it depends on what story of mine you read if it's good news or not ^^; I have up to chapter 10 written for my Ichigo story (working on 11) and up to chapter 18 (read: EIGHTEEN!!!) with my Shuuhei story. It's so exciting. I totally found a Shuuhei high and I just rolled with it. I'm not sure how the chapters have turned out (I like it, but I dunno if it's what I was hoping it'd turn out like D:) so...who knows. That's that as far as the stories go.
Unfortunately, I also have a hard time writing for someone when I'm addicted to someone/something else. Annnnd of course I have become addicted to something DX Funny story, really. I was on a website to watch Kateikyo Hitman Reborn! and I somehow managed to misclick and click on a different anime: Kaichou wa Maid-sama! So I read the summary (after seeing a hot guy) and decided to give it a try. Sure enough I got addicted because the main guy is SO HOT. I am madly in love with him at the moment. The problem is that I'm happy with the pairing the anime has with him...so it's hard for me to write a one-shot or something with him. I would feel like I'm not doing him justice cuz I feel like he belongs with her DX (I'm so WEIRDDDD). So anyway, yeah. I'm stuck in a state of quantum indecision...cuz I can't write for the others because I'm addicted to this guy, but I can't write for this guy because I ...just can't. Alas. It is depressing :(
Sooo that's what's up with that. Ummmm. I've been working on one-shots/mini-fics too, which is probably why my updates are slow. I've been working on a Leonardo (from Fire Emblem 10) fic and have a little scene left with him before it's done (yay~). Thennnnn... Yeah. I have a few other one-shots to work on so we'll see how that goes I guess ^^;
So in short it feels like I've been writing a LOT, but at the same time...it feels like I haven't done anything DX I know I haven't posted much lately, but I like to just spread out my updates...so it's not THAT much of a gap. Though I think it's just counter-intuitive since I take forever anyway X_X I'm seriously so sorry, guys. I'm...just horrible. *sigh*
Uhhh so yeah, that's that I guess. I just wanted to update and say that I AM still writing, but it's just slow-going. For some reason I have to be in the mood to update too (even though the stories are written...how weird is that? @__@) so that may also be why I haven't updated. I'll try to do something soon, I promise. Sorry everyone!
I hope everyone is doing well! Enjoy summer and I'll try to keep updating so you all can have something to read! XD So until then!
Now listening to: "Bye Bye Beautiful" by Nightwish
Posted on 2009.12.25 at 07:54
My Mood: Sick
Currently Listening to: Nothing right now. Not a creature is stirring...not even a mouse!
So I wanted to come on here to give you guys updates, but it turned out I forgot my password ^^; Then I tried to get it back but it was like, "CAN'T SEND TO HOTMAIL HUR HUR" and I was all "EFF YOU, YES YOU CAN". And it finally listened and helped me out. That was clearly my Christmas gift from LJ. Thanks, LJ.
Anyway! Merry Christmas everyone! ....assuming you celebrate it. If not, Happy....whatever else you may celebrate XD
As I have mentioned in a few of my updates: I HAVE GRADUATED COLLEGE!!! OH BOY OH BOY x3 Now I can be a lazy bum at home as I take a month or so off. I'm told to start looking for jobs (which is probably a good piece of advice) but if I DO get a job...I don't want to start right away (cuz I don't wanna be like BAM BAM, MOVE ON WITH LIFE), so I don't want to be wasting their time y'know? X_X So I figure I'll take a month or two off then start looking. That way if I get hired I'm fine and if not...well then, just more time for writing and videogames XD
That being said, I really hope I can get back into my writing again. I've been in the mood to write, but sadly I'm still having a writer's block for like...ALL my stories X_X I started on the next Roy chapter but it started out terribly...so I just have no motivation to finish it. I may just have to say screw it and move on, though. I think the problem with that story is that I don't really have an ending planned out (...well I don't for ANY of my stories to be honest XD) but I only have the next two chapters planned out and...I have no idea where to go from there. So I think I'm scared to work on it because I know it'll come to an end soon X_X BLAHHHH.
Uhh as for the Shuuhei and Ichigo stories...I have quite a few chapters planned out there, I just need to get off my lazy ass...that's all ^^; So hopefully those will be updated soon.
There's not really anything else I'm working on. The Kaien drabbles are kinda slow as well...I need to get working on those two I guess. I wanted to start a KHR one-shot (and by one-shot I mean a 3-or-so chapter fic cuz everything I write is SO DAMN LONG) but that is slow going as well ^^ Meg (GhostKitsune) has gotten me kinda hooked on Axis Powers Hetalia so I MAY write a one-shot or two there...but again it depends on my motivation.
What else...I think that's it as far as updates (or lack thereof X_X) go. I've been SO BUSY lately with school finishing and graduation and my brother's birthday and Christmas and moving out of my apartment....I'm totally run down and have become sick. I think it's a sinus infection which is not fun at all :( But basically, I need a few days to rest...and hopefully I'll get some writing done. But we shall see.
I think that is it for now. Sorry for the bad news, but I am trying! I'll get this stuff done sooner or later...
Again, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! XD
Now Listening To: ...errr still nothing.
Posted on 2009.09.27 at 21:08
My Mood: Happy
Currently Listening to: "Believe in You" by Gamma from KHR
So...wow. It has definitely been awhile. First off, I'd like to thank Clara and saiyajin_hime for wishing me happy birthday! You guys are totally sweet, and thank you for your kind words from my last post as well x3 I LOVE YOU BOTH!!!
Umm...so not much is new, really. Things are going better with my brother...I think he's still thinking about becoming a pilot, but I'm a little more at ease with it now so...we'll see I guess.
That's about it on the family front. I haven't been writing for my stories lately...IT'S HORRIBLE. But I blame Meg...because she went and got me addicted to Kateikyou Hitman Reborn so I haven't been in a Bleach mood lately. But that is only because I was doing my best to catch up, and now that I have, I believe I might be able to go back and write for my stories again. So we'll see. I'm sure I'll make a few one-shots or something for KHR but nothing has really come to mind yet. But I'm sure something will...eventually. Cuz that's just how I am.
But anyway, uhhh...Yeah, not much to say. Just that I'm currently addcited to KHR and that my Bleach stories will HOPEFULLY be on the move again...soon. I can hope. Once I'm done with my projects this week *sigh*
Anyway, just wanted to give an update since I haven't in awhile. Hope everyone is well and I will hopefully update soon with good news! ^^ Till then~!
Now listening to: "Kokoro no Hoshi" by Uni from KHR
Posted on 2009.08.21 at 21:15
My Mood: Sad
Currently Listening to: Dad's oxygen machine...
Sooo I just felt like I should write. I was feeling....really sad today. For no reason. I'd just tear up and think of stupid reasons to cry.
Well....sort of stupid reasons.
My brother hasn't been able to find a job, so he's starting to think about going into the service...which I REALLY don't want him to do. He's so incredibly smart, like 100 times smarter than me...and I'd just hate to see him throw that all away. Plus there's always the risk of getting killed...and he means a lot to me. I just....I wouldn't be able to handle that. At all.
So I dunno. Just thinking about that...so it's kinda got me down : / So I probably won't be able to write for awhile until I get in a better mood. (But with FOS down I suppose it doesn't really matter anyway, ne?). But I'm also moving into college tomorrow (for my last semester! Yay!) and school starts monday...So I'm sure I won't be able to write for awhile.
BUT...As I said, FOS is down, so oh well. I've gotten up to Chapter 8 done for Shuuhei and Ichigo...I can't remember if that's how far I had it last time or not. Eh. Well that's where it stands now.
I'm hoping I'll be more motivated to finish my other stories... Well, not finish, but work on. I'm still on a bump with my Roy story...but hopefully I can hop it and move on X_X
So that's where I stand. I'll still work on the stories as I see fit... And it's probably good FOS is down for the moment *gets shot by random FOS fan* cuz that means I can take a break as well...at least until I get used to school again. And get over my mild Lindsey Depression.
Well that's about it. Just a quick update. Hope all is going well for you guys as well! I'll keep in touch when I can.